


bluegreen118@gmail.com has deleted.

by chimeramixtapes



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Falling In Love, Heartbreak, Love, Love Simon Spoilers, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 20:47:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14269212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chimeramixtapes/pseuds/chimeramixtapes
Summary: When Simon Spier is outed on creeksecrets tumblr, he messages Blue, his online pen pal, and begs him not to leave when he finds out who Simon truly is. We pick up the point of view of Blue, who deletes his email and renders Simon unable to contact him.





	bluegreen118@gmail.com has deleted.

**Author's Note:**

> this is only a quick thing i wrote because i started crying over that scene again, i love this movie and i plan to see it way more than once.

When Bram Greenfeld came home from a rather uneventful holiday, he was grateful to have his phone service back. After spending two weeks deprived of the company of his friends, and of Jacques, he had become almost drained, but as the bars appeared on his phone, it began to buzz. Snapchats from friends, texts in the two group chats from where they had mentioned him by name, and two emails from Jacques. He clicks into them to smile, and hope that he has a few jokes to brighten him up.

That is, until Jacques mentions creeksecrets, and begs him not to go. Bram opens creeksecrets, and feels a chill run up his spine. Simon Spier is gay. Simon Spier is the boy who has been emailing him for the past few months, and whoever found out that Simon Spier was gay could find out who he was too. He taps out a short, impersonal message to Jacques- Simon. Simon Says. Jacques a dit. Ha ha.

Then Blue doesn’t exist anymore, because his email is gone. Bram deletes it before he has a second thought. If someone found out Simon, they could find him out. He spends the rest of his night bathed in the light of his laptop, playing a song he had known Jacques- Simon, had liked. It was on low volume, his head hurt. He doesn’t remember falling asleep, but he dreams the same sort of dreams he usually does- the ones where he and Jacques run through a field, except this time Jacques has a face, and it’s the face of Simon Spier, and Bram can’t say he minds.

There’s a knot of regret in his stomach when he wakes early- he shouldn’t have deleted his email. But he did. And that was that, he couldn’t risk getting the same sort of treatment Ethan did, he could laugh and smile, but he wasn’t every man, and he couldn’t be all things to all men. He didn’t know how anyone would take it, or how anyone would take Simon. If things went well for him, maybe Bram would find the courage that Simon had invoked in him to tell him. “I’m Blue, I’m Blue, I’m Blue.”

For now, it’s all he can do to keep his head in his pillow, scrolling absently through Facebook pages. He remembers offhandedly mentioning to Simon about Halloween Oreos, having thought of Jacques when Simon pulled them out. He can’t believe he was talking to Jacques- his Jacques. The one he had admitted he was really into. The Jacques who signed his emails with “Love,” and Bram returned it.

It’s about a week before school starts again before Bram Greenfeld realises he’s in love with Simon Spier, and every cute, talkative part of him. And it’s only a minute after that Bram realises he may never get the chance to tell him, because the courage drains from him- what if Simon thinks that he’s joking, being cruel? It was out of character for him, but it wouldn’t mean Simon wouldn’t think it was a possibility.

It’s another minute after that, Bram sits in fear he will never reveal who he is to the world. He’s ridden the Tilt-A-Whirl, his stomach churns, and he sits at the bottom of his ferris wheel afterward. He wonders if it will ever go around the way it did when he knew Jacques. When he knew Simon.


End file.
